How to Learn By Making Mistakes When You Hate Making Mistakes
I am a terrible bowler. I once bowled an 8. I’ve also bowled over 100, which is only due to me being an adult the second time around and someone helping me find a ball that wasn’t too heavy for me. I can’t credit the improvement (and my mad Wii bowling skills) on practice or learning because none of that happened.
There was a bowling alley not far from my childhood home, but teenaged me never even considered going bowling with friends. At least some of that is because I had a cynical streak and looked down on any activity the characters on Happy Days were into. But a huge part of it is that I hate doing something badly.
But if you don’t do something badly, you can’t get any better at it. It’s so hard to sit with the discomfort of doing something incorrectly. I was about to say “doing something wrong” but making mistakes while you’re learning is all part of the process, so it counts as doing something right.
We need to practice being bad at stuff and learning from our mistakes. This is different from doing something you’re no good at and you don’t care that you’re no good at it. (Have you downloaded our FREE eBook on that exact subject? You totally should.)
This may be an intermediate activity, but hey - give it a try and if you’re no good at being OK with mistakes, then maybe you can be OK with your inability to be OK with making mistakes.
Find a Role Model
Picture someone you admire, someone at the top of their game. An actor who reliably turns in award-winning performances. An amazingly talented singer. An athlete at the top of their game.
Now picture them as children or awkward tweens. How good do you think Tom Hanks was at the very first rehearsal of his first school play? Do you think Beyonce’s kindergarten teachers were floored the first time they heard her sing The Itsy Bitsy Spider? Did Serena Williams return a serve the very first time she picked up a tennis racket?
If your idols didn’t start out being perfect, how can you expect that of yourself?
Pat Yourself on the Back for Catching Mistakes
I used to do software testing back in the day. Some of my colleagues (who were testing for the first time) got annoyed every time they caught a bug. But finding a software bug is something to be celebrated. Of course there are going to be bugs and the more bugs found and fixed before launching, the less you have to worry about high stakes problems after the launch.
Have you ever tried meditation? It’s incredibly frustrating at first because you beat yourself up every time you realize that your attention has wandered. But those are the moments to celebrate. We have 2 minds - the Thinking Mind and the Observing Mind. Accessing the Observing Mind helps you become more self aware, and to change your mindset. Any time your Observing Mind interrupts your Thinking Mind, that’s a great thing
Just Get Used to It
When you’re learning something new, making mistakes is how the correct way imprints itself on your mind. For example, I’m learning Spanish with the Duolingo app. Every time I make a mistake, I have violent thoughts towards that cartoon owl. Especially when I make the same mistake several times. But that happens because the correct word or grammar rule or whatever isn’t stored in my brain yet. When I get it wrong a few times, the right way finally gets stored in my mind.
Learning something new that involves lots of small mistakes is a good way to get use to embracing your own imperfection. Just don’t keep at it until you get so frustrated that you hurl your electronic device across the room.
You Don’t Have to Love Making Mistakes
It would be great if you could, but let’s be realistic. Start by trying to make peace with making mistakes.
Tell us about your least favorite mistakes.
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